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| Well.. It has been a while!!
AGH!!
Life is CRAZY!!
People have changed.
Family will continue to let you down.
Continue to count on the important people in your life.
They mean the most.
A better update with sober thoughts and rantings will probably be written tomorrow, or at least sometime in the near future.
Love more than most,
Casey!! | | |
| a million other bad things happen as well.. Or so it seems. I am not old by any means, but it seems that the older I get , the faster life happens. After finally realizing who some people really are you sometimes ask yourself 'What was I thinking??'.. It seems like my life is a neverending stab in the back by one person or another. I mean, of course I may seem like a hard-ass at times, but deep down I am the nicest person ever. Those who know me well know this is true. I cannot say no to anyone except maybe myself. I live for the moment most of the time. I love my friends more than anything. I cannot stand going a day with out talking to some of them. And I cannot stand going one second without talking to my best friend Amanda!! We have gone through so much together and we know we will always be there for each other no matter what. She and I often say that we each are the family we choose.. I would trade her for any of my family in a heartbeat. Even though most people do not understand our friendship, it works for us and that is all that matters.
On the other hand.. I am glad that I am no longer associated with some old "friends" of mine. I mean, sure we had fun times, but nothing lasts forever.. Especially when selfishness and insecurity are involved. I try my best to not surround myself with either. But whatever. We all seem to be doing fine without each other. Or at least I know I am, because, once again, I have amazing friends who will be there for me no matter what has or has not been said or done.
So.. I have been so stressed about school and work and paying for things lately.. Growing Up SUCKS!!
I couldn't care less to speak to my father.. Just as long as he keeps paying for my car I am happy. I have talked to him about twice since mid-August. What a great parent he is.. Don't think I haven't tried calling him. That is not the case. He simply does not answer or call me back because he is "busy." All I can say is he chose his life and his "family" so he is stuck with it. If he is unhappy he is the only one who can fix it.. Apparently misery loves company..
Some days I hate going to work.. I mean it is the same bull shit almost everyday. It is basically like high school all over again with little cliques and gossip.. WOW!! I guess some people will never change. The good thing about working there is that I have met some awesome people. Kate and Naomi and definitely my two faves!! They are sweet girls and have been nothing but nice to me. That is more than I can say for most of the other employees.
Today was awful. I didn't even get out of bed until 1:30 and I am pretty sure I was in bed at about 1 last night.. Seriously, who sleeps for twelve and one half hours?? I think I needed it though. What I didn't need was to miss class which was exactly what I did. I hate going. And I have had the shittiest past few weeks and I have been a bit depressed and I just wanted some time to rest and be alone I guess.
I forgot to pay my cell phone bill earlier this week so it got cut off.. It has been kind of peaceful not having it go off every two seconds, but at the same time I have not gotten to talk to certain people. The good news is that the people who I do not mind talking to know how to reach me.
Well.. This blog seems long enough.. Until next time..
Maybe it won't be three months again..
P.S. You should definitely listen to the 'Last Kiss' Soundtrack.. It is AMAZING!!
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| I really do hate to admit that I do feel like maybe I have made a mistake or two.. The only problem is that the only person I have hurt is myself so basically I am the only person who really knows.
I have made choices for myself that put me into situations that I thought were good at the moment, but have totally turned around and yelled 'you fucked up' right in my face. I have given up so much for certain people because I though it was the right thing to do, but boy was I wrong. Along the way I have lost some good friends and missed out on some fun times due to the fact that a certain person or two who want to control my life. I do not like this. And I have been made out to be a two-faced, fake friend because of the choice I made to take a certain "good" person's side. It seems I always get pulled in by self-centered, spoiled, bitchy friends and end up continually trying to make them happy, meanwhile they continually drag me down and down and complain about every little thing that I do because it annoys them. I hate how they think they are so perfect. They need to stop and look in the mirror. I do not like being around these people.
I miss the way my life was a couple of months ago. I was happy. Things were looking up for me for once. I enjoyed the atmosphere and people in which I had surrounded myself. I want that time back. Life was much more layed back and fun. Now things are going down hill. FAST!! I should have kept my first impression that I had about a certain person(s) because they are exactly who I had first perceived them to be; someone I could see right through and knew they were not a good person.
But I guess there is not much I can do. This person has ruined my relationships with some very wonderful people and driven me to drink more than ever. I do not like to constantly be battered for being the same person that I have always been. I think some people are so bitter that they need to bring others down to feel better about themselves. Actually, I know they do. I see it too often. They also crave attention. And whenever they do not get it that is when they start the battering and bitching towards they people who were once their best friends. This shows exactly what kind of people they are and what kind of life they are going to end up living. They are going to be old, miserable, and alone because they have ran off everyone in their life. I seriously hope to God for this future for this person. They definitely deserve it. | | |
| Basically.. I need time away from certain people or maybe just one person.. I am getting quite irritated.. I'm not bitching by any means, I just need to put this thought out there.. I like my little separation(s) I have.. It pretty much makes my world go 'round.. Some people may say that I live all of these different lives, but basically I am not. I am living my one life the way I want it.. I do not like mixing everything in my life together.. That is one thing that I do LOVE in moderation; each part of my life. I do not do it to piss anyone off!! I have always done everything like this.. Its like drugs and alcohol.. You are not supposed to mix certain things.. If you do not understand this I am sorry.. Its just how I am and I cannot, and do not really care to, change this..
I think the only person that really understands the way I am with this is Amanda.. She just gets it.. Everyone else thinks it is weird and stupid.. but maybe it is you that is weird and stupid.. HAHAHA!!
And for the record.. Yes, I did go to jail last week.. and yes I definitely did learn a lesson.. For those of you who bitch(ed) about it, I am sorry.. I am only human.. I mean, we all do make mistakes.. None of us are perfect!!
And for those of you who talk about me behind my back.. I know you do it.. Your little friends that you tell secrets about me.. Well.. They are just as two-faced as you and run right to me and tell me what you say.. Not that it hurts my feelings or ever will, nor will it change me as a person or anything I do, but I just thought I would let you know, yes, I do know what you say.. I'm okay with it.. So I hope you sleep better at night by talking about me.. That's just dandy!!
Anyway.. Whatev.. Everyone have a good whatever..
Loves!! | | |
| Basically, I love my life.. Even though it can be crazy sometimes.. I am thankful for the important people in my life right now.. You all mean so much to me!!
I hate two-faced bitches who talk about me behind my back and pretend to be my best friend when they are around me.. Hmm.. And I just hate plain shady people too!!
Ex-best friends huh?? | | |
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